Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
