paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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