just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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