woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
