What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize