This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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