Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
