I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
