So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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