Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
