You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize