ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
