do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
