The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The best revenge is premature balding
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
