I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Where is the hickey?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
