i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
