Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
