The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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