This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ok first of all what the fuck
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
