I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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