i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
