My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
