dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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