After last night, I could never be a politician.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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