I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
