My liver just broke up with me...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
