i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
