i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize