Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
