DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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