How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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