So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize