i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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