So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
