the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
