So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize