mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
