someone threw a dead crab at me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
