Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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