Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
