he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
