Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
