So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
im on a boat
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