I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
