had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
