Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
