Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
