I was born with a shot glass in my hand
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
