it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
