Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
