Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
