Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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