I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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