Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
