She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
