Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize