Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
