fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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