the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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