Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
