Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ttyl tear gas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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