i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
