So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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