i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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