Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's get the cat blown out
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
