blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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