I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize