I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Randomize
