3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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