when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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