Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
