this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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