I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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