I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
