My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
