Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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