Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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